This week was ROUGH to say the least! With the 24th and all.. I LOVE fiesta days and all the food fun and such! I am proud to say that at all the park fun and BBQs no cheating! I wasn't always the happiest about it but I didn't cheat. I have to say with the picture below its the first time that I have felt like I have seen a little difference and I cried when I saw it. This may sound ridiculous but this whole journey has been so hard and I have been so hard on myself. I still feel like I have a long ways to go and I only have 1 week left on the HCG diet. But that wont be the end! I am going to start running again and pick back up workouts. I have to say that has been one of the hardest parts, besides the food thing that trumps it all, not working out. I loved it and got into such a good habit and now I have to start that again but I do miss it so I don't think it will be to bad!

Starting Weight: 186

Starting HCG Weight: 160

Current Weight: 151

So I thought this would get easier but its not! Here are my week 1 pictures. Its been a rough week and I am hoping that it gets easier! My biggest challenge has been cooking meals for my family and not eating them. I resent it a little bit. I am lighter than I have been in YEARS! But for some reason I cant get to a place that I am proud of myself!

I had my first weigh in today and the results are...

Starting weight: 186

Starting Hcg weight: 160

Current weight: 155

Last night was my first, and I am sure not last, rough night. Chrisitan and I went to the new Harry Potter movie. Being opening night and all we had to go early. We were there about a hour before they let us into the theater and we sat there smelling popcorn, hot dogs, seeing smooties... Needless to say it was quite hard. We came home and for some reason I wanted a bowl of cereal REALLY bad! Why cereal? I dont know! As I laid on the couch feeling like crying I tried to figure out what the real issue was. I started thinking about the day and this came to mind. I called my sister earlier in the day because I couldnt find a babysitter and was just getting frustrated and needed to vent. When she answered I found out that she was at my parents house. Sitting there with my mom and other sister. This has been an issue for me for a while because I feel like I will never have the relationship that I want with my mom or sisters. I feel like they cant let go of my past and it will always affect things. I have spoken to them about my feelings and it doenst do much so I try to just live with it. After remebering this I realized that as we walked out of the movie, the rest of my family was in line for the next showing. I knew they were there, I was the one that told my dad to get us earlier tickets so it would be easier on a babysitter. I think seeing them all together without me just set off the emotional flood that followed later. I know that I am an emotional eater. At nights after the kids are in bed I want to snuggle on the couch with a bowl of chips or ice cream just to relax and actually enjoy a meal. Most of the time I am not even hungry and I realize that this is not healthy and one thing I need to change. I still have the craving for cereal and who knows how or if it will go away. I have not cheated on my diet and WILL NOT! I want to loose this weight and be the woman I want to be and have my confidence back!

Today was Day 1 of the diet portion of this journey. For the most part it wasnt to bad. However, because you cant have breakfast, today was a little stressful. My sisters and mom were going swimming and invited us to go. I thought great get out of the house so I dont think about food! I didnt think far enough ahead, which isnt like me! I didnt eat before we left which resulted in my not eating lunch until 3:30. Once I got home I ate a piece of chicken, starwberries, and a cucmber. For dinner I had tilapia, apple, and asparagus. I am not worried about sticking to the diet, I am however so scared/nervous for my first weigh in... I just dont see how its going to work and I am not sure how to get past this feeling...

So I talked with my sister in law and we decided that I should start the drops today. Reason being is, today is my husbands birthday. Meaning we are have French Toast and bacon for breakfast and going out to Tucanos for dinner. Then tomorrow we are taking the kids to the Zoo. Both being great loading days. I started this morning and one thing I wasnt expecting was a little burn with the drops. You put them under your tounge and hold them there for 30 sec. It almost felt like holding mouth wash under your tounge lol! I weighed in this morning and I was still 160... not a surprise. I have been stuck there for weeks! 26 lbs down..... lets see how many more go...

Starting Weight 186

Current Weight 160

I think this is one of the hardest things I have ever done! Yes, I include giving birth in this! This is so much harder! This is me being vulnerable and open and being held accountable for what I let happen to my body. Yes I have had 2 kids and they are my everything, which is another one of the issues. I care more about my family than I did about myself... I know this doesn't sound like a bad thing and its not completely. However, I cared more about them and took no time to take care of myself. I have recently learned that its ok to take a little time for myself. I have found for me its easiest to put the kids to bed then work out at home, go walking, or running. I have also realized that when I would get frustrated at home with the kids, house, etc. I would eat to relieve the frustration. There are times that I still feel this way but fight the urge to do so. I think one of the reasons this is so hard to post these before pictures is because I have lost 28 lbs! WHAT on earth did I look like before?!? I know this is the beginning to another weight loss journey and I have my fears about this as well. I am scared that I can't/won't loose the weight. I am scared that I will and still not feel good about myself. I am hoping in this next month I can overcome my fears about myself and become the woman I want to be. I will be weighing myself in for the first time on wed. I will post that day.

After being stuck at 160 for 6 weeks I was loosing my motivation and getting frustrated. In all this I didnt feel that I looked any different and it really bothered me. My sister in law started working for this company a while ago called Clear Health. They do scans on you to tell you what your body lacks or what your body doesnt digest well. If you have bacteria or parasites etc. I went in and got scanned. I found out that my body has a hard time breaking down foods and I was lacking in certain nutrients, among other things. After thinking about things for a while I decided that I wanted to do the HCG diet. Now I had done my research and there IS a difference in the HCG diets out there! Some of the HCG out there is an animal hormone. Some is a human hormone but with the way they make it it actually alters the hormores in your body throwing your hormone production all out of wack. Clear Health has an HCG the is a Homeopathic drop. The difference that I liked is this one is FDA approved. Before I start this however, I am on a 1 week cleanse/detox. I will be taking the VitaZyme which is basically a powerful multivitamin, and the Digestive to help my body break down the food I eat. I will be starting the HCG a week from today. I will be doing weekly weigh ins and blog about how I feel etc. I will take before and afters so mainly I can see the differnce since that is one of the things that bugs me right now. I dont feel like after loosing the weight I have that I look any differnet! Any ways wish me lock here we go!

After months of changing my diet, working out, getting depressed and gaining weight back again, I finally felt like I got into a "kind of" routine. I figured out things that worked for me and what my limits were. I cut out pop and almost all sugar. I still allow myself a little because I dont want to resent my diet. I started counting calories and portioning meals. I switched ground beef for ground turkey. Started doing mre vegis and fruits rather than rice or potatos.

June 2011

160 lbs

This was me December 2010. This was the heaviest I have ever been and I dont think I realized how bad it had gotten. I had used the excuse oh I just had a baby... But that isnt an excuse! This is a blog for me to sort through my feelings and document everything that I have been through in this weight loss journey.

December 2010

186 lbs